Posted by: katarinajellybeana | February 18, 2008

Glimmers

13 dpiui

Very, very sleepy.  Wonky tummy.  Everything tastes funny.  Stuffy nose.

Gah.  I’m getting my hopes up.  It’s nothing other than med residue and not sleeping enough.

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Mr. JB called me this morning to tell me about the couple in MN that have been married for 83 years.  “Let’s go for 85.  Sound good?”

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Last night I made mashed white beans with garlic and sage and a marlin steak for dinner.  It took me all of 15 minutes.  I felt very fancy and gratified, until one of my kitties stole 1/3 of my steak right off my plate.  Hooligan.

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As muted as my reaction to it was yesterday, Juno has stuck with me.  The biggest point?  I wonder if Mr. JB really wants this or if he wants me to be happy.  Some of our biggest fights come from trying to make one another “happy” instead of understanding what the other person wants.   He reassures me that he is in this all the way.  His actions prove it.  But it lurks at the back of my brain.

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It’s been a bad work morning.  I have to hire students and there are no decent applications.  I can’t seem to get the things done that I need to.  There is one particular thing I’m stuck on and have been for weeks, but I will do it right after I publish this (!!)

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Soundtrack of the day: Band of Horses (ooh, they’re good)
Drink of the day: water (although I’d LOVE a diet coke)
TV show of the day: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (started as writer’s strike induced watching, but it’s catchy)
Shoe of the day: New knee high boots ($20! marked down from $90)
Dinner of the day: Chicken tagine and couscous
Activity of the day: NAP!!!
NPR Podcast of the Day: Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me (frickin’ brilliant)

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Responses

  1. remind me why you aren’t testing to find out what the result is?

  2. My reasons are three fold:

    1) Mr JB is out of town and I have PROMISED that I will not test without him in my presence.

    b) Based on my calculations, I think I still have some hcg in me from my booster last week. I’d end up with a false positive.

    c) I have a beta scheduled for Friday anyway. I can wait until then so that I can wallow in self pity/celebrate with sparkling grape juice over the weekend. If I test and get a negative before then, I won’t get out of bed for days.

    4) (OK, fourfold) I kinda like not being a slave to my urine.

  3. BUT … is it better being a slave to your urine or your hope? totally not giving you shit for not testing and obsessing, just a point of discussion 🙂

    although i will tell you that all you non-pee-ers (seriously, i know like 4 girls at 13-14dpo who obsess but just won’t test!) are driving me absolutely bonkers!!! but in a i-still-love-you kind of way.

  4. I think it comes down to me opting to obsess over symptoms and junk than over symptoms and junk AND phantom lines and what they all mean.

    And it’s ok…I know you love me anyway. Me and my wicked good self control, that is… 🙂

    (PS–what’s with the radio post? AND PPS–It’s the 18th!! You have less than a month to go!!)

  5. ack. i’ve been counting down to lupron, but you are right with the 18th. Stims start on the 16th. hold shit.

    the radio post is from an album i’ve been listening to this weekend. It’s a band named Shellac and they have a new record with the song “it’s the end of radio” as the first cut. He pretty much chants “can you hear me now?” on it – but not in a verizon cell phone commercial way. In a crazy punk rock way. and It’s been stuck in my head. I just posted it to show that I was alive.

  6. i understand the no -poas ritual. I am not a fan of the pee sticks. i don’t pee onthem for hte same reasons you listed actually .. so i really get it. I know plenty of POAS-aholics. But i am not one of them

  7. I am so impressed with your no stick peeing resolve. So very impressed.
    Wishing you a big happy surprise!

  8. I’m crossing my fingers for you and sending you the best! One of us has to get this pregnancy thing right! 🙂

  9. Oh, at 13 dpiui, I’d SO have that stick peed on by now! 🙂 I admire your strength and the respect that you have for hubby to wait. Wishing you the best outcome!

  10. My nurse recommended saving the $15 from not POAS and go out to a cheap romantic dinner to occupy the wait. I was planning on giving it a try this month. I have slight issues with having a medical professional tell me I am pregnant over the phone. I always wanted the photo of me holding the BFP stick with a huge smile. I am trying to get over it though! I am proud of you.

    Wishing more true symptoms!

  11. Good for you with not going crazy over hpts! It really does ease the craziness I think to refrain.

    LOVE wait wait don’t tell me.
    B

  12. Oh geez…I am way way off track lately with ugly work scenarios…and the call that took two years to come…I DID NOT NOTICE you tagged me. What do I do??

    I’m glad you went to see Juno…see, I told you it wasn’t that bad. What did you think of the mall scene with JenGar?

    P.S. I love pee sticks…it’s the only semblance of control I have in the whole ART process.

  13. “Slave to my urine”… oh the memories!

    Glad I found you mrz JellyBeana! ~Aradia the Milk Maid from over yonder at M-IC!

  14. I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for you!!! HUGS! 🙂

  15. Hang in there! All the best!

  16. good for you for not poas’ing. and for seeing juno. see we can cry like “normal” people too! and your dinner sounds yummy, except for the kitty part. bad kitty.
    ~luna
    p.s. thanks for your continued support.

  17. “I wonder if Mr. JB really wants this or if he wants me to be happy. Some of our biggest fights come from trying to make one another “happy” instead of understanding what the other person wants. ”

    I can totally relate to that comment. This always lurks in the back of my mind as well, even though his thoughts and actions totally prove otherwise. I think it’s my lack of self-confidence that comes from not being able to do what most other women can do “naturally.” That and the fear that, despite Hubby discounting my thoughts over and over again, that he’ll just get so fed up with my low self esteem and leave me.

    And even though I know these thoughts are irrational, they still lurk back there in my noggin.

  18. Sleepiness and funny tastes are good signs… and $20 dollar knee high boots are just plain excellent!

    Like Emily, I really related to your comment about Mr JB. Sometimes I wonder whether Mr H wants this as badly as I do – he seems far readier to reconcile himself to a life without children than I am.

    Well done for hanging on in there and not testing! Still sending you good vibes!

  19. Thanks everyone!!

    I feel very loved right now.


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