Mr. JellyBeana and I reside in a town that sits in the midst of cornfields. We met in college here when he carried my refrigerator upstairs for me. He’s a young’un (31 to my 33). We celebrated our 10th anniversary in December 2007 and have decided to go for another 10 years. We still like one another quite a lot and love each other very much, even though he claims I am crazy much of the time. Which is Ok, since he is often a fuddy duddy and curmudgeon. We balance nicely, yin and yang. In the grand tradition of many childless couples, we currently have multiple fur-monsters–three little kittens and one WonderPuppy. We live in an old house that is always in the midst of various renovations. It’s a lovely life.
I work at a small university in the library and while I have various old lady hobbies (knitting, bridge, wearing cardigans), I have a good bit of youth in me (being a groupie & general love of music, staying up late, keeping up with celebrity gossip). I’ve been known to enjoy the occasional sporting event, but I am not what one would call a “fan.” I am a good cook (and always improving), a terrible housekeeper (sporadically improving). I read magazines voraciously, try to read books as voraciously and sometimes succeed. I adore music and live shows and if you ask me about my favorite band, I’ll talk your ear off about wonder that is the Avett Brothers. I love walking and am trying to find more and better ways to get off my behind to do it more. I need to lose weight, but more than that I need to eat better quality food in better portions and find ways to enjoy moving my body. I’m a geek and I have a garbage brain–even on Quiz Bowl in high school (where I also did such geeky things as theatre and show choir!) I’m turning into something of an amature mixologist (much love of the cocktail) and love Sazarac 18 year old rye whisky. I love my tivo. I spend less time watching tv, but I watch the good stuff when I do. I watch Good Eats, Pushing Daisies, in addition to 100 other things, and miss Gilmore Girls more than is healthy. I tend to like well done chick flicks, coming of age comedies and classics. I’ve also discovered that I like Kung Fu movies, which comes as quite a shock.
Oh, and I’m infertile.
All the other stuff is who I am, but that’s really what the blog is about. I could write about the other stuff in my life, but I don’t need to vent and scream and cry about it most of the time. And if I do, I’ll write about it here. But mostly it’s a blog about my struggle to have a child. We’ve been through 3 rounds of clomid (RUN FOR THE HILLS!), 2 rounds of Femara and Bravelle–one resulted in ovulation, one resulted in a miscarriage. We’re headed toward our second IUI in 2008. There was a two year hiatus in there somewhere while I got my shit together and saved my marriage. All in all, we’ve never prevented pregnancy and have been actively trying for 5 years. Fun, huh?
I struggle with a thousand aspects of this misfortune and writing about it and tossing it into the void seemed like the only way to start making sense of it all, so I started the blog. But lo and behold…I wasn’t the only one out here writing about this. And other people started reading my stuff. And I’ve made some deep connections that I could have never made without blogging. I can’t tell you how reassuring that is. To say to someone “I feel like I’ve become my infertility” and have people nod along and say “I’ve felt that” — I feel far less alone and crazy. And that’s even better than tossing it all into the void.